My lack of posts certainly reflects a large part of my reality: I’ve been really busy. It’s a really wonderful kind of busy where I can watch myself signing up for things to do or being assigned things to do or creating things to do that are all really quite wonderful.
The holiday season was, in the end, a time of Light and rest. It started off pretty bumpy and full and finished with space and nourishment. The YDC has begun! Another three months of a group of people fearlessly facing themselves with courage and willingness. Ok, there’s sometimes a bit of fear – but certainly loads of courage and willingness. This year it’s an honour to be teaching in it and watch both the students and myself learn and grow (and it’s only been 5 days!).
I’ve been thinking about Satsang lately. Thinking about this time at the end of every evening where the community gathers to sit together in quiet and worship. I remember with acute vividness the first Satsang I ever offered. I spoke about Mantra and forgot my notes in Mandala House. By the time I realized it the building had been locked up. Luckily some people were leaving at just the right time and I was able to get in and retrieve my carefully prepared homily. I nestled into the beach prayer room with those that were supporting me – we were practicing in small groups and with partners to ease the responsibility of it all since it was so new – and I offered satsang.
As the weeks wore on we moved back into the temple, filling that great white dome with our thoughts, prayers, and gratitude. A couple of months passed and Satsangs were prepared and offered. I remember one day about a year and a half ago there was some sort of mix up and I didn’t realize I was offering that night. At lunch someone asked what I was going to talk about and I was surprised it was me who was offering. I had a wicked headache siege me later that day but nevertheless was able to gather it together to lead the community through this ceremony we participate in. And with half a days notice! I took it as a great sign I was able to integrate and communicate what it is that I’ve learned here.
I think back to my experiences offering Satsang over the last two years and how the experience has evolved. A couple of weeks ago I only realized I was offering satsang at 7:00 that night. It had been a long day with the weekly deposit going awry and I was commiserating with the person who takes up the second half the duties after supper to complete the deposit. When she mentioned she probably wouldn’t make it to my Satsang I was a little confused and then simply headed up to my room with the exact theme and reading I would share convalescing in my head. Upon retrieving the book I opened it so just the page I was looking for, made a few notes, and headed over to the temple.
In this progression of my response to offering Satsangs I see how it’s begun with me first being comfortable with myself. I had an image yesterday while teaching a workshop of this huge, wide mountain being filled with Light. This mountain was volcano-shaped with the base spreading to incredible depths. That’s me, I realize. I’m this big wide base that gets my foundation filled first. That’s what it is I’ve been doing here and that’s what allowed me to expand and grow; now embodying all of these roles I carry and these tasks I complete as I fill up right to the very tip-top of me.
Being comfortable with myself is only possible through knowing myself. And that’s where the courage and willingness comes in! Prayers it will continue – that we all receive what we need.