Hippies and Avoidance.

I have a confession to make: I’ve been avoiding hippies.

Honestly, I don’t know exactly what I’m hoping to gain from this distance. My heart still feels more rested when I find myself near a group of them. This calm washes over me, this knowledge that all is right in the world.

Because, you see, it’s not like I don’t know where to find them.

They’re in the community garden a block away from my house. They’ve been giving workshops all summer.

They’re standing around after choir threading their dreads through their fingers while their honey voices, made smooth from hours of singing, dance back and forth amongst each other.

I’ve seen them. I’ve felt our vibrating hearts oscillating at the same rhythm. And yet I’ve stayed away.

I do know I’ve been focusing on other things.

Years ago I went to a Buddhist conference near Toronto with my mother. The group from Calgary I had grown up with was there, and so were all these amazing new people from all over the country.

At every meal I would sit with a new group, meeting new people and having new, if not sometimes stilted, conversations.

I felt like the Calgary group I knew there was my anchor to this room full of strangers. I knew they were there, that I could rely on them, but I was out gathering reconnaissance.

I guess that’s what I’m doing now.

I know myself, especially the hippy parts of me. I know I’m most comfortable at a dance where a group has set an intention beforehand (and naturally we can’t speak once the music starts). I know sitting in a circle talking about my feelings isn’t only second nature but necessary for me. Or that I can sit still in meditation for hours at a time. I know who the Rothschild’s are, what a Vesica Piscis is, what’s in chem trails, and what it means to be Pleiadian.

What I don’t know?

How to get the motivation to clean my house, go grocery shopping and plan regular meals. I don’t quite know how to earn enough money to pay all of my bills.

And I don’t know how to see myself as I really am on the physical plane.

Luminous soul body aside, I need to know how to channel myself through this meat suit. I need to know how to bring forward the meaning I know is in this life.

For now that has meant avoiding hippies. I think I’m ready to go back, though.

I was listening to this CD I somehow acquired that had “San Francisco” on it. I actually listened to the next line: “If you’re going to San Francisco you’re gonna meet some gentle people there.”

I was struck for a moment with that word “gentle” because I know that’s what I am, yet I’ve been covering it up lately. I haven’t been letting my heart do it’s regular gentle, kind and giving thing because it’s been a little battered.

A moment came recently where I saw it come through and I’ve got to admit I was relieved. My gentle, hippy heart is still beating strong within me, it’s just been sitting in the back seat while the rest of me has been driving.

Getting back in touch with my own gentleness will draw me to the gentleness of others.

I’m ready to meet some more hippies.

Photo: Cristian Enciso

Om om.